David the Monkey left the large conglomerate bank thinking he'd just got an excellent deal on a variable rate mortgage when he bumped into Phil the disembodied anus.
"Hey Phil, how's your pension scheme coming on?"
"Pretty good", said the anus in a modulated flatulence way, "I seem to be getting a fairly good return on my investment, the economic climate at the moment seems ripe for getting into pensions." So David with his new mortgage and Phil with his pension walked down the street on the way to David’s grandmas house. On the way they bumped into Frank the raccoon with a 10" penis. "Hey Frank, we're off to my grandmas, do you want to come?" "Why yes I would. Thanks to the high variable rate savings account I opened a few months ago I now have a relaxed attitude to life and can, of course spend my money MY way, I am feeling exceptionally fiscally viable!"
Phil farted in agreement. "With my pension scheme I feel my life is in safe hands"
"Good, Finances are our backbone and it's best not to forget them, even in our busy 21st century lifestyle!"
So our troupe walked to Grandmas house which was a nice house in the suburbs because Grandma had provided for her future with one of our clever share brokers.
"Hello boys"
"Hello", they said.
"Go and sit in the front and I'll bake you all a nice cake!" They sat in the front room and all of a sudden there was a bang on the door.
"I AM THE WOLF OF COMMERCE! I'LL HUFF... AND I'LL PUFF AND I'LL BLOW YOUR INTEREST RATES DOWN!!" Frank's penis shrunk in terror as he realized that his savings may not rise as well as expected. David looked on in joy and Phil was (strangely for an anus) not arsed as his pension scheme was not linked to the national interest rate in any way.
"Do your worst!" said David hoping he would blow them right down "No!" screamed Frank
"So?" farted Phil
The wolf blew and blew and blew until interest rates were at 1.9% "NO!! I'M RUINED!", cried Frank as David danced around the room in joy.
"We can take more than that", said David as Frank looked on in tears.. Through the tears he could see the joy in David’s eyes. The tears turned to anger...
The wolf blew and blew until interest was down to 0.9% David let a squeak of joy loose and this was too much for Frank. Frank set about in rage onto David’s throat, the blood curdling scream caused Grandma to run in and see her dead Grandson at the hands of Frank!
She screamed, "BANKRUPT! FORECLOSURE!", as she got her account closure forms out and signed them with wet ink.
Frank realized he'd lost all his savings and screamed in agony as his heart collapsed. Phil was left there floating with David’s Grandma and the wolf came to the window and smiled, "You have chosen wisely. Having an interest rate that is fixed keeps you protected from the ravages of the economy and you shall survive my boy".
He opened the door and Phil floated out and went home. He mourned the two friends he'd lost but realized the lesson he learned..
Phil lived fiscally viable ever after and had a very comfortable retirement.
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